Getting the job I wanted and finally finding some kind of stability financially allowed me to have more time to enjoy myself. I couldn’t be happier at this time with my life, I had taken back the reigns of my life and I was in charge of it. I was doing what I wanted to do and I was where I wanted to be. I reconnected with old friends, I was out enjoying the city and I had taken my physical skills to new levels. Through the course of 4 months I had signed up for 2 half-marathons and a Spartan Race (Beast – 12-14 miles w/obstacles), I was in great shape and I loved proving myself that I could accomplishing any challenge I set myself.
When going out in the city, I noticed that I would attract people’s attention. I didn’t feel any different physically from when I lived here. But I think it was all a matter of attitude and self-confidence from within that projected on the outside. I felt like a complete new person, I was comfortable with myself and the way I looked, this definitely gave me a boost on confidence to try new things like talking to strangers. I decided to make this a constant exercise, I wanted to put myself out there and out of my comfort zone. I wanted to see how I behaved myself under unusual circumstances and also how people reacted to my behavior. I noticed that people are very receptive to other people talking to them.
Thinking back to a couple of years ago, I remember thinking to myself how I would feel if someone walked up to me and started talking to me. I also remember that this almost never happened and I would have loved for someone to walk up to me and start a conversation. I think I never did this because I was deeply afraid of rejection but things have changed since then and as I mentioned I felt differently about myself. I thought to myself, if I want this to happen, I need to make it happen. This is how I decided that I would start talking to guys when I was out with friends. I think it is a lot more fun when you go out and have a conversation with someone you don’t know because you never know who you’ll run into and what that person has to say – it’s kind of exciting.
I put this into practice and I remember that even if I wasn’t having a good time when I was out regardless if I was interested in that person physically, I would try to engage with that person. Again, trying to put myself out there and even if the other person would not be interested in talking, I would not take it hard as I was just doing it for myself more than talking to guys to meet someone special. My self-esteem was at a place where rejection did not affect me. My way of thinking had changed completely, I now longer thought there was something wrong with my looks or blame myself when I guy was not interested in having a conversation with me. Instead, if someone did not want to talk to me could be for a million different reasons that did not have anything to do with my appearance or myself. I had turned a switch and I no longer had these negative thoughts.
I find it so interesting how our self-esteem and self-confidence play such and important part in our lives. We may be going through difficult times in our lives but our perception towards it will be completely different according to our state of mind. As I mentioned I would not open myself to talking to strangers in the past just because of my fear for rejection. But at this time in my life I was talking strangers and not really caring about the outcome of the conversation. We close or open ourself to new opportunities according to our state of mind and at this point in my life I was happy to feel this way.